ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
