I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
