It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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