plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
