forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
