At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
