i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
