You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
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