last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
