Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
