have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
