plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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