party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
