He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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