everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
