sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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