brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Randomize
