After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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