i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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