the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
