she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
