I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
