what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
