I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Randomize
