Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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