and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
