your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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