I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Randomize
