My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
