so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
