i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
