just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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