ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Randomize
