His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
