I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
