I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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