she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
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