There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Just pee around me
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
