What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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