This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
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