Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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