i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
