singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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