erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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