They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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