Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
