I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
