She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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