im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
