woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
