And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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