I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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