apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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