On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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